Dear Self

Your imaan may go up and down, but ever tell yourself that you “don’t really believe”. Ask Allaah if you can’t escape from the chains of doubtful feelings and all those “what if”s that cage your heart from loving Allaah freely.

You know that you believe, but Allaah is The Turner of hearts. If you think that you solve everything alone without seeking the help of Allaah, you are not in the right direction.

Make dua. This is a test set up by Allaah. And if you can get help anytime from Him, why wouldn’t you ask for it? Making dua itself is a form of worship, in which you will be rewarded for it.

How kind is Allaah.

Every of the atoms

Allaah knows best from where each atom that makes up my body are. I was created with intellect, morality, and will that I have the capability of controlling my nafs, such that I am a human. Even if the theory was true, I don’t deserve to be called an animal anymore.

No matter where I came from, the most important thing now is that: I have a covenant with Allaah and I was created to worship Allaah. I exist, thus I am here to fulfill the purpose of my existence.

Whatever kind of doubt you have about the past, the future sticks to His plan.

Surrender to Allaah and be free.

Blind

The beauty of silence can hardly penetrate the hazy heart of a human whose consciousness has been taken over by the the melodious vibrations, engulfed in another world. Music constantly beats on her mind; paused her at the unlocked door to the light, yet she does not move her trembling hand to reach the handle. She is frightened to leave the happiness-promising fantasy. Scared of further emptiness, although she knows that opening the door will guide her to paradise. It definitely won’t aggravate the void. And when the time can’t wait anymore, she loses the sight of the light. She forgets.

Slave of Allaah, do not step towards the black hole.

“The existence of me reminds me of the purpose of my existence.”

The reality has a special taste. She acknowledges it, but her heart is becoming blind due to the fray of melody that puts her down, into a deep sleep. All left is the fragile, frail me. The beauty is becoming tasteless.

I have to open the door and leave this room.

Forgotten Dreams

How could you have imagined it to be this way: a paper plane flying from the past crossing the bridge of time, which unfolds itself and brings the tedious, thirsty you into an ocean of collected aspirations. You are drown deep down the sea of words and memories, putting the jigsaws of shattered dreams back to their places recreating the image of the future; the one that the younger you used as your glasses to see the world with.

Come back. You have been exhausted for too long.

We are Poor

It’s the last ten days of Ramadan, soon or perhaps already.

Allaah has taught me so much these days. He has showered me with mercy and has granted me so much ease.

We are rich. We have food on the table. In our house. Yet we are poor of gratitude.

Have you tried getting a glass of water from the dispenser, drink your water, with a slow motion? Spend some seconds more seriously?

Have you seen that the water is so crystal clear? Free from dirt, or even specks of dust? The water tastes like water, that is a huge mercy!

We are so poor. We only have wealth.

How nice it is to breathe. How hard duty the cells in our body to proceed a single breath successfully. How easy to forget we are breathing.

How many breaths do I have left?

And I remember Imam Ahmad rahimahullah said, “It is a most amazing thing that you should continue to be unmindful,…”

“….chasing after vain desires, wasting your time in disregard of this most important matter,…”

“….for you are being driven at a fierce pace (towards death) day and night, hour by hour, like the blink of an eye.”

How I regret, how I regret the fact that I start forgetting that fear, knowing that I will not move these fingers except because of Allaah.

And the comfortable bed with the warm blanket which accompanied me last night in my sleep.

And the people out there who leave dunyah without their names being heard.

So much mercy ya Rabb, so much mercy my Lord has given me.

Indeed, how amazing it is to be unmindful, neglectful. While you can’t pass a millisecond without your Rabb.

20 August 2011, twitter.

Words of Motivation

You know what, I need some motivation. I’m tired of telling myself to work hard, but I seem to be not listening. So I will leave myself with some words to stick on:

Yalla just go do something for the sake of pleasing Allaah subhanah, regardless which one you would start with!

Of course when it comes to ‘ilm, I should start off with aqeedah matters. At least, basic aqeedah matters. Then tawheed.

There always comes the time when you are exhausted merely because of the piles of readings you should study and you are in the position of fragility when it comes to disorganised plan which leaves you with confusion whether you are going to start with the most important although it’s the longest one or the easiest plus most rewarding one but there are something which reminds of of the importance of those long important things which force you to do that soon and you sit there in front of the computer being indecisive. And it could be worse: you – start – doing -something – less – useful to escape from the reality, using this confusion to judge what is good and what is wrong to do now. And eventually, everything just lead to unproductivity. What – a – disaster, especially when it comes to the last ten nights of Ramadan.

That is why I am telling myself for the last time:

JUST DO ANYTHING THAT PLEASES ALLAAH, now. Time is Life.

Naseeha ends.

And I’m not sure whether I catagorize this into A Diary Page or A Letter to Myself. Am I indecisive? No no, the choices are just too hard, but in the end I decided it. #whatanexcuse

Just A Plan

That’s the hashtag of some extraordinary posts on my tumblr. Perhaps the word ‘extraordinary’ does not really befit, these posts are just collection of thoughts out of the box. Anyways, any of these ideas could pop anytime into anyone’s minds.

What to do in Jannah: Flying better than Peterpan.

I know it’s such a minuscule aspiration, since Jannah has far more mind-blowing ideas and stuffs. I have been dreaming of doing levitation– halal levitation. Actually Peterpan did not contribute any motivation before; but Astroboy did. I remember flying Astroboy on PS2 about 4-5 years ago, it’s so smooth and awesome. So why Peterpan? I don’t know how come Peterpan popped into my mind when I first brainstormed this plan into a tumblr text post.

What to do in Jannah: Flying better than Astroboy.

Now that’s better.

In the end, just a plan.

That beautiful soul left in Ramadan

Malaysianmuslim: Moon on the 3rd night of Ramadan.

So that was the moon on that day. That was a day after her journey ended.

I woke up that night and I looked around,
Everyone has tears in their eyes,
So I asked them, ‘what is happening here?’, but they didn’t reply me,
Then I asked again, ‘why you all looked so sad?’, and again they didnt reply.
This makes me wonders, something is not right.
Here comes some aunties, hugged me tightly.. They cant bear to say and assumed I to understand.

Only now I got it, I remember what I heard the doctors said, she might have a cancer.
I keep questioning myself, what is cancer all about,

Where are you going?

When you lose sight of your goal, you will find another goal.

And that goal you used to have is becoming less beautiful in your eyes.

What saddens me the most is, what if your eyes can’t see the beauty of the most beautiful goal ever in this world?

Seriously,

Where are you going?

It’s the matter of believing.

People may inspire you, but it is you who change yourself.

You have got a life to think, realise, and act. and that life could end tomorrow.

What have you done?

Where have you been?

Where are you going?

21-26 July 2011, twitter.